March 31st, 2021
First Vegetable
The President, with his recent launching of dozens of nonsensical Executive Orders and autocratic proclamations, his incoherent Press Conference, and his obvious inability to think clearly on important matters such as the crisis at the southern border, absurd proposals to eliminate security checks on voting, and reckless government spending, has made it clear to even many of his supporters that he is on course to become the country’s First Vegetable. Many of his own staff are worried that propping the guy up on a podium in a nice blue suit, and having him bumble his way through all his speeches while losing track of what the hell he is even saying, are not fooling sensible Americans anymore. Many of the 80-million people who voted for the guy are now smashing their heads against the wall, screaming, “What was I thinking??”
Naturally, no one wants to see him forced to leave office, and elevate the Vice President to the Presidency. In addition to having no leadership skill whatsoever, she is an avowed Socialist who envisions the country becoming the next Venezuela. She has been to Venezuela, and said, “It’s not so bad. They’ve got great coffee down there.”
The President was accused of “massive lying” during the Press Conference as he reported totally incorrect facts and reprehensible, untrue information about the Mexican border crisis, particularly in regard to the thousands and thousands of children being held in horrible condition. “The President was not lying,” one high-level staff member replied. “He is just totally unaware of any real facts. You cannot call him dishonest when he gets stuff jumbled up a bit in his mind. Totally unfair.”
Fortunately, the First Vegetable has a staff of people reporting to him that prepares his cue cards and notebooks, and helps him with decisions. During one Oval Office meeting, while the President was inadvertently wetting his pants, a junior staff member subtly ushered him off to his private restroom before a puddle developed. Close call. Nice move.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but are getting closer and closer to being true all the time.
