March 12th, 2021
President’s Physical Dexterity
The President showed-off his physical dexterity yesterday in a dull speech broadcast on his favorite TV cable station. As you know, many citizens have been concerned about the President’s physical and mental shortcomings since being elected. Last night, while still leaving doubt on the mental side, he showed the world that he was quite skilled at one physical maneuver.
The President demonstrated over and over again that he was able to pat himself on the back without really straining at all. He took full credit for the ability to get citizens inoculated with the COVID vaccine. He praised himself that he singlehandedly, through his personal drive, has been able to get the shots to people in increasing numbers. And, because of his skillful work pressuring the drug companies, assured that everyone would be able to get their doses by May.
Unfortunately, with all the back-patting, he caused further disruption to his already precarious mental condition. It was evident, as he forgot to mention that the previous Administration had produced literally a modern miracle to get the vaccines developed, tested, proven, mass produced, and mass distributed under the Warp Speed Program. He had also forgotten that the citizens were being vaccinated at a rate in excess of 1 million per week before Joe even took office. Instead, he believed that he had actually developed the whole vaccine program himself in a lab in his basement.
“Short-term memory loss is common in people like the President who are drifting downward in their mental faculties,” a doctor who specializes in mental disorders commented, as he watched the stumbling, bumbling speech on TV. “Hey, if he can put together a coherent sentence or two, that is encouraging that he’s not yet a total vegetable. Look at the bright side. He did fine reaching around and patting himself on the back without anyone instructing him how to do it.”
The Executive staff is now preparing a speech on the President’s “amazing accomplishments” on immigration at the southern border. This will further show his back-patting prowess… either that, or his head wedging skill… another proof of his superior dexterity.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, although some are now rated fiction-ish.
