August 14th, 2024
NPC media causing people to doze off while driving
The Bizarreville Transportation Authority (BTA) is in the process of citing the NPC media with reckless endangerment, which could put some of their top executives in prison for up to 10 years.
As everyone knows, the NPC media is comprised of all the left-wing nitwit news agencies such as NBC, CBS, NPR, CNN, and others who have all adopted a practice of regurgitating the same old sorry talking points in their newscasts, and boring people to sleep. The danger arises when citizens are driving their cars, riding their bicycles, mowing their lawns, or walking across the street, and suddenly doze off from the monotonous drones from the NPC’s. 387 people have been injured this year, some very seriously, while listening to the treacherous dullness.
The NPC media members have been warned in the past to place a disclaimer at the beginning of every boring newscast, warning that the contents can cause drowsiness, and listeners should not operate any heavy equipment. But, because no one enforces the rules, the laws are ignored. The NPC media continues their dusty speech reruns, with no concern for the damage they are doing, especially to the soft-skulls in their listening audience.
The BTA will put a quick stop to the madness and force all media outlets to become at least semi-interesting, or spend time in the clink. They say they are tired of pussyfooting around with these brainless wonders, and plan to hold them accountable to coming up with creative material that uses no cliches, no rehashed buzzwords, no worn-out phrases of sheer nothingness.
A media insider has revealed that these expectations will be difficult, if not impossible, to meet. The major media companies have stopped hiring reporters and correspondents with any inkling of intelligence in order to save money. Instead, they have staffed-up with robot-like message regurgitators trained to follow orders. But they are hoping that Artificial Intelligence will bail them out, if they can ever figure out how to get the damn thing to work.
