February 21st, 2018
Olympic Hopeful Dream is Dashed
The Bizarreville Town Council was disappointed that their Olympic hopeful in the ski jump competition at PyeongChang placed only 38th overall, well out of medal contention. Elroy Lunchner, who had been considered a shoe-in for the Bronze, failed to get much aero-lift in his launch, resulting in a jump of only 39 meters. He beat out two Latvian jumpers, who both crashed on takeoff and got tangled in the snow fences.
Lunchner claimed there was meddling by the Russians, contributing to his pathetic performance and total failure. He said that he had received social media messages supposedly on the newest-fangled ski jumping techniques, which turned out to be totally bogus. He sobbed that he should have known better when they suggested to turn your skis around backwards for less wind resistance, and wear a loose-fitting ski jacket that would act like a hot air balloon to provide additional lift.
On a brighter note, there were almost no Bizarreville citizens watching the action on TV anyway. The Olympics had gotten so darn boring with the endless coverage of excruciating cross-country skiing, flippety-flopping snow boarders, figure skating rump-outs, and insomniac-curing curling competitions, that most citizens simply turned their channels to The Bachelor Winter Games faux-counterpart.
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are still fictional, except the boring Olympics part.
