bizarreville

Whimsy, satire, irreverent humor, and hijinx from a place not so far away

Posts Tagged ‘trump’

Trump vs Hillary debate

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September 7th, 2015 Posted 1:53 am

Trump HillaryPundits are looking forward to the future possibility of a Hillary vs Trump debate.  Both are unafraid of looking like total a-holes in front of the public, and a televised debate could look like something out of a Jerry Springer show…maybe even with some hair-pulling and kick boxing.

The latest flap has been a barb battle over women’s issues…Trump saying he cherishes women, and Hillary saying, “Then why not me?”  Much more firework extravaganza would be anticipated in their respective drives for women’s votes during the campaigns.  Trump has flip-flopped a bit over the Right to Choose/ Right to Life issue, ultimately claiming he is in the middle somewhere…while Hillary has maintained her strong position about protecting abortions.

“I can’t help thinking about that poor depressed girl in the Dirty Dancing movie who desperately wanted an abortion so she could continue her summer dancing job, ” Hillary remarked to a crowd.  “Would it be better to let her career, her dreams, go down the drain?  Are you going to let Donald Trump make those kinds of decisions for you?  He’ll probably tell you to get a job as a waitress and shut your pie hole.”

In response, Trump just smirked.  “Hillary has a way of touching something deep inside you…deep, deep inside.  It kinda reminds me of that fellow on America’s Got Talent who calls himself The Regurgitator.  You know, I think he could win it all.  He can regurgitate a freaking billiard ball…amazing!  Someone told me he grew up in an orphanage in Scotland.  Imagine the loss to the world if he had been aborted.”

Ratings between these 2 could skyrocket in a debate.  The networks are already pre-selling advertising slots at near Super Bowl prices.  Stay tuned.

 

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction…at least until they become fact.

Trump surges in polls

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August 16th, 2015 Posted 5:51 pm

In a surprising development, Donald Trump has surged to a huge lead among Republican hopefuls in the 2016 Presidential nomination race.  Recent polls show Trump favored by 22% of likely GOP voters, over double the polling numbers of Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, and the others in the crowded field.  His performance in the recent first Republican debate was judged to be horrendous by pundits and various gallery sitters, but his numbers jumped 3 points the next day.  Political experts are shaking their heads.

Some say that his recent rise was partly attributable to pissing off different groups of people.  For example, he pledged to build an impenetrable wall at the Mexican border and would squeeze the 11 million illegal immigrants to high tail it out of Dodge before he invoked some sort of “You’re Fired” consequence to expedite matters.  He even said he would personally use his considerable persuasive skills to make the Mexicans pay  for the wall, but might allow them to retain his construction business to do the work at a special discount rate.

Trump would get tough on the Chinese for dumping their cheap products into the US, and force high tariffs on tee-shirts, crappy trinkets, and underwear.  He said he would personally go Commando, if necessary, to make the point.

He would plan to anger environmentalists by scaling back regulations and outlawing any further study of so-called global warming, or global cooling, or whatever temperature direction is being dreamed up by faux-scientists.  He would advocate a re-training program for ex-environmentalists to help them learn how to do real work.

Trump has gotten world leaders concerned by his expressing that the US needs to get tough.  He has said that they need to get rid of stupid people who are in critical leadership roles.  Some leaders are nervously worried that those comments are aimed directly at them.

It seems the more people he gets riled, the higher his poll numbers rise.

Other candidates are taking note, and are strategizing with their political consultants on how to mold their own piss-off campaigns.  They recognize that this approach is hitting a nerve with the voting public, and that means votes.  One campaign chairman, who wished to remain anonymous, said that he had his whole staff working on lists of various groups, whether they be related to physical traits, ethnicity, orientation, disorientation, or special interest, and concocting ideas that would set them off, big-time.

“The trick is not just picking the right group to anger, but picking the particular messages that will really tick them off,” said the chairman.  “Selecting a great target, but splashing them with a milky jab could backfire.  And that could mean curtains for a campaign.”

 

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction.  If any eventually become true, that would just be coincidence.