bizarreville

Whimsy, satire, irreverent humor, and hijinx from a place not so far away

Posts Tagged ‘immigration reforms’

Bizarreville Immigration Policy Change

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April 28th, 2013 Posted 1:40 pm

The Immigration and Naturalization Bureau announced early this week that they have issued a Halt on all immigration applications from the country of Funquat.  This comes at the heels of the recent terrorist attack from 2 members of the Funquat Neo-Quackism cult that injured hundreds of innocent pigeons and 3 dogs, some critical,  in the Stoolville Park incident.

Funquat officials have vehemently objected to the ban, stating that the Neo-Quackism sect is not at all representative of their citizens.  They did admit, however, that they were sympathetic to 97% of all their twisted beliefs, including such things as turtle jihad, nostril hair curling, and wiping prohibition.  But they said they are generally not sympathetic to the really weird stuff like public sport-belching.  The officials did admit no love of pigeons, while saying the potential loss of dog in the recent incident was an unfortunate collateral outcome.

A group of Ex-Funquatees living in Bizarreville organized a peaceful protest at the University, but were promptly hauled away by police and loaded onto boats headed back to Funquat with their green card cancellation notices.  The protestors objected, crying that the new law said nothing about deportation.  But the Police Chief said “Tough S#!t.”  Reporters were shocked at the use of such political incorrectness, but the Chief responded that there was room on the boat for a couple more knuckleheads, which could include reporter-types.  One reporter was grabbed, but he managed to slip away and scamper for the hills, tossing his notebook toward a garbage can, but missing it badly.

Most citizens exhibited joy to see a much overdue aggressive approach to this long-time menacing problem.  One person said that his neighbor was an Ex-Funquatee, who almost never mowes his lawn and always has his garage door open.  He said that he would be happy to personally drive him to the port and help load him on the next boat.  When explained that the guy might be fitted with a suicide bomb vest ensemble, the man retracted and volunteered to call him a taxi.

Administration officials privately warned other rogue nations to get their whacko elements under control, or they would face similar sanctions.  An embassy member from Shlumpistan warned that, if sanctioned likewise, they might just retaliate by nerve gassing their own countrymen.

 

Disclaimer:  All stories in Bizarreville are fiction.  Surprise, surprise.