bizarreville

Whimsy, satire, irreverent humor, and hijinx from a place not so far away

Tour Guide of The Obamanation

Welcome to the Obamanation.  I am your tour guide, Mr. Quagg.  I used to be the Director of the Community Orphanage, until some lady and her cohorts wrecked everything and put the whole lot of us out of work by finding homes for the pesky little habs.

I’ll be honest with you.  I am getting upset and concerned about the way things are going recently.  Things used to be so very predictable.  You understood, for example, that French fries were bad for you…because they caused all kinds of heart diseases, bowel disorders, and varicose veins and stuff.  And you understood why the government banned them.  Sure, it was sad when they closed all the McDonalds restaurants…but then they instantly replaced them with convenient Doc-in-the-Box fast cure clinics aimed at improving your health rather than attacking it…totally sensible.  No wait…smart…that’s what it was…smart.  And the new rules allowing employees to take considerable paid time-off without having to answer bothersome questions like why, why, why.  It all showed care and compassion.  That’s what’s really important, isn’t it?  That’s what made The Obamanation great.  Made us all proud to be Obamanons.

But now all this latest drama being stirred up by these whackos calling themselves “Clydes” has got me as worried as a double cheeseburger in the hands of a chubby 10-year old with a Tootsie Roll in his back pocket.  They claim they want a return of lost liberties, but I see what they’re really up to…no good.  Probably would like to change the name of the country to Oozieland.  Bring back those disgusting Hot Dog eating contests.  Force people to work if they had a bad sneeze or a painful in-grown toenail.

Don’t be fooled by their propaganda.  Don’t let these clowns unravel what has taken so long for us to ravel.  Big Brother is taking care of you and me now.  And even though our big brother can be a snotty, disrespecting, demeaning horse’s A$$, he has always said he had our best interests at heart.  You can be sure that some ugly bird named Clyde will not take care of you… and will only leave you fending for yourself…and, naturally, failing at everything you try to do.

I hope you enjoyed your tour of The Obamanation, and will come back for a longer visit next time.  Please stop by our gift shop on your way out, and purchase some overpriced trinkets…or grab a copy of the book, The Obamanation, that gives the full story on our recent transformation into a new world of total care.