New tax compromise infuriates King Georgers
The compromised tax deal announced by the President has infuriated a group who were thought to be his staunchest allies. The activist group known as the King Georgers was formed soon after the Tea Party groups were formed, in direct opposition to the “teabaggers”. Their platform is simple: ‘More tax. Never, never less tax.’ They believe in fiscal responsibility: tax the piss out of people to support an ever-expanding government with everybody paying their unfair share. Hey, life is not fair. The King Georgers claim that there is so much work to do in terms of complete Health Care takeover, auto/steel industry nationalization, and bank/financial system totalitarianism. And that needs to be paid for. This recent deal of continuing the ill-advised Bush tax cuts, after promising to nuke them, is their last straw, prompting them to take to the streets.
The King Georgers staged a rally yesterday to coalesce their membership, which is mostly comprised of multi-billionaires on one hand, and people who don’t pay any taxes on the other. There was a smattering of pseudo-intellectuals in the crowd, mostly burnt-brain college professors who were reportedly mumbling incomprehensible jibberish to themselves. They proudly raised their flag, featuring a likeness of King George III himself, looking pissy and ready to pound some colonist butt.
“Our elected officials,” the GeorgeMaster shouted, “are continuing to let us down. They are squandering away precious time that could be spent dreaming up new creative tax schemes, squelching slimy loopholes, and melting away frivolous deductions. Instead they are wasting time on these incomprehensibly stupid tax cut ideas. How do they expect to pay for the next General Motors takeover? The next Citi Bank takeover? The complete takeover of all media by the FCC?? We need revenue, lots of revenue to realize our bold plans for a united controlled system.”
Just then, the crowd started chanting, “Tax, tax, tax, tax.” The echo almost made it sound like “Axe tax”, so the leader quickly hushed the crowd, lest anyone get the wrong message.
“We long for the good old days of King George III,” he continued. ”A time of glory when kickbacks, bribes, and favors were the primary tools to win influence. A time of ‘well-managed corruption’ throughout the land. A time when vindictiveness was the answer for those who chose to be misaligned. Where leaders would respond to Tea Party hijinx by closing the port, shutting down the city, and shooting a few rowdies if they got too confused. We need to get back to that heavy-handedness of yore.”
Insiders on the President’s staff have unofficially responded that the King Georgers just need to show a little more patience. “He has the same goals that you do,” he said, speaking to a gang of Georgers. “He’s just doing a little shake & bake right now to catch the opposition off-guard. Don’t worry, he’ll be back…then look out! He’ll make ole King George look like Mary Poppins.”
Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that seem so darn real.
This entry was posted on Saturday, December 11th, 2010 at 1:39 pm and is filed under Crazies and creepskies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.