Whimsy, satire, irreverent humor, and hijinx from a place not so far away

Archive for November, 2010

Binge is over

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November 2nd, 2010 Posted 11:57 pm

bingeManagement regrets to inform you that the Federal spending binge is now over.  Kapoot.  The 2-year window of opportunity for reckless spending out the veritable ying-yang has closed…closed down on the poor fingers of many unsuspecting lawmakers.  On behalf of the kazillions of government employees and lame duck government officials, we just must say we are sorry the party could not have lasted longer.

But my…wasn’t if fun while it lasted!  All involved had such a joyous time on this wide-open throttle wild ride down Finance Abuse Highway 101.  The death-defying, high speed spins down Obamacare Curve, Bail Out Bend, and Harry Spender Hill gave tingles down our legs.  Sure, we may have jeopardized the futures of our kids and grandkids, but so what?  They’re probably going to be spoiled brats anyway.  They need to feels some hardship in their catered lives, taste a little bitter pill of struggle and difficulty, see what it’s like to beg for a lousy cup of coffee.  Be good for them.

There will be further announcements of belt tightening, program cancellations, thinning down bloated bureaucracy…so stay tuned to your local media network for whining updates.

In the meantime, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, please go ahead and send in your taxes early this year.  Don’t wait until April 15th.  We’re in a bit of a pinch, since some of our big time lenders have told us to kiss-off.  We may have to delay bonuses to top government officials, cut back on frivolous office supplies, and/or start buying our own doughnuts and coffee.  If you throw in a little more than you owe, we’ll send you a set of bubble gum trading cards with the recent ex-lawmakers’ pictures on them.  These will undoubtedly become cherished collector items, sure to skyrocket in value.