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Archive for May 25th, 2010

Bank bill meets resistance in Bizarreville

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May 25th, 2010 Posted 4:19 pm

The Bizarreville Congress is in the process of passing a sweeping new bank bill in the wake of the financial crisis that almost took Bizarreville down to its knees.  In point of fact, Bizarreville was pretty much already down to its knees, but the financial meltdown took it down to around the ankle region.

The new bill would create new oversight agencies, a process to split up “too big to fail” banks, impose new limits on derivative trading, reform rating agencies, and offer a new Consumer Protection bureau to enforce rules on various ripoffs.

This last item seems to have created the most resistance.  Shmeldnik Easy Ripoff Loan Company spokesman Elmer Shmeldnik was vociferously opposed to the new bill, and spoke out in front of the Sports stadium yesterday.  He said that he had no problem smacking around those big ornery banks with their fancy offices and obnoxious bonuses…suggesting that they may need to draw and quarter a few of them.

But he was very upset about hammering the “little guy”, an interesting play on words since Shmeldnik is only about 5 feet tall.  He argued that the small businesses of Bizarreville are just trying to make a quick buck, and it is just not fair tightening the nuse on the building blocks to Bizarreville commerce like this.  He claimed that his 38 percent loans help many specialized  business owners bridge short-term cash shortage situations, thus keeping them alive when otherwise they might fold.  And his private heavy hand security force provides dozens and dozens of jobs to guys with no  education whatsoever who have been basically unable to work in many other parts of the economy.

Many in Congress are listening to Shmeldnik and others as they work their way through the process.