bizarreville

Archive for January 27th, 2010

Obscure cable Networks licking chops, possible bonanza tonight

Many of the obscure cable networks are licking their chops at what could be a major, major ratings opportunity for them tonight.  Programming chiefs are scurring to rearrange schedules and poring through their archives to find and offer their best programming material for this once-in-a-blue-moon special night.

The excitement began to brew when recent polls were released showing that a record number of people would NOT be watching the President’s State of the Union diatribe tonight.  Viewership could reach the lowest level since the Eisenhower administration.  Citizens who participated in Focus Group interviews showed frustration bordering on exasperation with the government’s ineptitude when it comes to listening to the voices of people on the major issues of the day:  jobs, economy, jobs, health care, and jobs.  Respondents said, “If these candy-asses won’t listen to us, then we won’t listen to them.  Bring on the Animal Planet’s Greatest Hits.  Bring on Paula Dean to give us a primer on the use of butter.  Bring on that thrill-packed basketball match between WhoCares College and Bum F*$#!  University.”

With all the major networks and many news-oriented cable networks committed to covering the boring State of the Union speech, the even boring-er Republican response, and the epitome of boring Talking Head analysis of what was just said, tens of millions of TV watchers will be power-pushing the remote button to find something, anything that would have just a modicum of interest.

Many obscure cable networks have sent emergency emails to their advertisers informing them that ad rates will be going up by 50% or more during this 2-hour time slot…almost like their version of SuperBowl Sunday.  Not surprisingly, the networks have said they have gotten very little pushback on this hike.

Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that sound like they could be real.