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Archive for September 5th, 2009

Enhanced interrogation

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September 5th, 2009 Posted 5:06 pm

The new warden at Arsinbarz Prison brought in a new policy of enhanced interrogation techniques for inmates who have been conspiring to bust-out of the joint.  While some of these techniques have been very controversial with the Mamby Pamby Association (MPA), the warden has stayed the course.

One of the most controversial procedures seems to be a technique they call Water/Bored.  First, they restrict the inmate to drinking only tap water…no root beer, no iced tea, no coffee, no fruit punch or energy drinks…just ice-less tap water, not even any bottled water…only water out of the tap, room temperature.  If that wasn’t enough, they then force the inmate to watch continuous reruns of Leave It To Beaver…no Lucy, no Andy, no My Momma The Car…just the Beave, 24/7.  The Beaver and water…water/bored.  Very cruel and quite unusual, frankly.

The MPA has strongly objected to this, citing that there is no one else in the civilized world that employs such a technique.  They asked the warden if he would force his own kids to drink tap water.  Naturally, the warden said he would not…but reminded the MPA that his kids were not hardened criminals.  As far as the Beaver is concerned, the warden responded:  “Come on, now, you can’t beat the hijinx of that Eddie Haskell.”

The warden says the technique clearly works, and they have been able to garner a ton of conspiratorial information that has helped foil dozens and dozens of escape plots.