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Archive for the ‘Commies’ Category

The New Iron Curtain

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August 12th, 2014 Posted 12:50 am

News from Russia has just been received that the country does not intend to rebuild the Iron Curtain.  Rumors had been rampant after Russia’s annexation of part of the Ukraine, sending a shock wave across Europe.  Russian officials have tried to calm the situation, stating that such rumors are typical of western journalism malpractice.  Reporters who spread such falsehoods should be placed in front of firing squad, said one central committeeman.

Unidentified insiders have revealed, however, that there is more to the story.  True, Russia does not plan to reconstruct the iron curtain, but that is mainly because of shortages of iron ore in Siberia, as well as shortages of iron workers in the curtain fabrication business.  Sources say that Russia does, in fact, plan to rebuild a wall…but it will be made of animal carcasses, human garbage, radioactive wastes, and other hazardous materials.  Their scientists say that such a wall would have less tendency for people to want to scale it to get out of the country, and would save billions of rubles in border security manpower costs.  Leachate from the piles would be allowed to soak deep into the ground, thereby making tunneling under the wall a dangerous proposition.

Sources say that Russian leaders are looking for profound thinkers of the world to devise a clever moniker for their new wall.  Names that have been considered but rejected so far include the Stall Wall, the Stench Fence, and the Nose-hurtin’ Curtain.  They say that leaders are looking for a name that would be more Churchill-esque.

Meanwhile, satellite photos show a mounting buildup of hazardous nastiness along borders.  The crisis is getting the attention of the World Health Organization (WHO) and the World Health Advanced Technologists (WHAT).  When asked by reporters what is the plan, the technologists responded, “No, WHO is the plan.”  Then, when puzzled reporters answered “I don’t know”, the Techies snickered and said “They’re on Third,” then busted out in honky, hyena-like laughter.   The WHAT techies don’t get out much.


Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction…at least so far.

The Liberty Coupon program

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April 17th, 2010 Posted 8:20 pm

The Left wing Administration, during the process of rolling-out their Total People Control program, have begun to feel a wee bit of pressure from ordinary citizens.  People are finally waking up from their political sleep, defogging their brains, and coming to realize that they could end up losing a lot of freedoms in the future, as these Changes You Can Believe In elements take hold.  More and more citizens are starting to get vocal at Tea Party rallies and Town Hall meetings.  Others are sending emails to their representatives…but of course, those are pretty much getting s#!*t canned by screeners, who are protecting the representatives’ delicate ears from such blatant in-your-face feedback.liberty

But last week, the Administration staffers got their eggheads together and developed a fool-proof plan to combat this wave of discontent, and get on a new course to change public opinion.  One of the Senior Gophers came up with the brilliantly innovative idea of issuing Liberty Coupons.  For that bit of initiative, the Gopher was given 2 free movie passes to the theater of his choice and 1 large popcorn/Coke combo…total estimated value of over 100 bucks.

The Liberty Coupons program would work like this.  Liberty Coupons could be granted by any member of government to individuals who have displayed superior loyalty, taken brave action to help crush any opposition, or just suck-up well.  These coupons could be sold or traded, but each coupon would allow the bearer the privilege of garnering one small act of freedom.  Multiple coupons could be used for larger acts of freedom.  All coupon redemption offers would be illustrated in a full-color catalog, produced by the new Department of People Control.

For example, one Liberty Coupon could allow the bearer to procure a simple act of freedom, such as being entitled to read a Sean Hannity book, buy a Rock&roll CD, or be allowed to cut down a tree on his/her property.  Trading in 5 Liberty Coupons could allow you to visit the Doctor of your choice, or perhaps be able to purchase a large order of fries at a designated McDonalds or Burger King.  A five-spot could allow a citizen the right to buy a 6-pack of Old Milwaukee beer at a non-governmental beverage distributor.  Or, it could allow you to paint a wall in your home a color other than the normally prescribed “Autumn Wheat”.

And it would go up from there.  Ten coupons, for example, could permit you to lock your home doors.  Twenty coupons would allow you to purchase a non-hybrid vehicle…and for 2 more coupons, you could actually be allowed to buy a diesel.  Mind you, the coupons don’t cover the price of the merchandise you would have to pay…only the right to be able to make the purchase….consumers would still have to fork over the dough, in addition to the Coupon. 

Thirty coupons would permit you to send your children to a non-ghetto school…or allow you to accept a job in the rapidly dwindling private sector…that is, if there are still any jobs available.

The Administration likes the program’s premise, in that it is modeled after the successful Rewards programs that people now love so much.  And the Liberty Coupon program will encourage the behavior of “saving up” for those freedoms that people cherish the most, rather than just wasting Liberty Coupons on small trivial freedoms that don’t really matter that much to them.  All in all, the staff seems enthusiastic about finding this common ground with the Freedom Seekers contingent out there, and plan to get this program rolling on a fast-track by July.


Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that seem quite real.

‘People Control’ Dingell plan leaks out

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April 14th, 2010 Posted 2:28 am

During an interview a couple weeks ago, Congressman John Dingell from Michigan had an inadvertant slip of the tongue and let out the administration’s next series of strategies in the Change You Can Believe In program.  Dingell is the longest serving congressman in the House, having been reelected an amazing 26 times.  He has kept the liberal vision alive during all that time, and with the recent change in power, seems was just unable to control his exhuberence.dingell

Dingell was quoted saying: “…it takes a long time to do the necessary administrative steps that will have to be taken to put legislation together to control the people.”  The ‘control the people’ phrase set off a firestorm in conservative camps who immediately started probing into the next shoe-drop in the move toward socialism that is expected to be proposed by summer.  Under huge pressure, Mr. Edlard Smurf, spokesman for the administration finally relented and addressed the crowds.

“John has let the freaking cat out of the bag on our yet-to-be-announced program on tighter people control.  I guess he has been supporting this move for so long, that he just could no longer hold it in.  No matter.  Affectionately known as Project ViceGrip around here, it will be intended to quickly bring an end to the out-of-control freedoms that have simply lingered too long.  People have unfortunately been given too much choice…where to live, where to go for french fries, how to dance, where to go to college, what jobs to get…on and on.  And you see where it has gotten us?  To a country where some people live very well, and others live like crap.  It’s just not fair, the President knows it, and you know it.  Our new ViceGrip program will be the great equalizer.”

Smurf references how well tight control has worked with smoking.  By raising cigarette taxes and limiting where people can smoke, the government has been able to make a significant change in people’s behavior.  And even though there are many people who continue to smoke, Smurf says that it is mainly confined to dirt bags, rednecks, drug users, and kids.   

Smurf says that their People control program will be a comprehensive roll-out, that will eventually rein in behaviors of all kind that the Leaders feel are unhealthy, unwise, unproductive, or unfair.  In some cases, there will be incentives to encourage good behavior…such as eating carrots instead of cheese balls, or walking to the market instead of driving.  Specific incentives have yet to be determined, but could include things like free movie tickets to G-rated shows, a case of Granola bars, or a 6-pack of prune juice.  Extraordinary good behavior could get you a free vacation in Cuba with Michael Moore as your host.

But in addition to the “carrot” approach, there will also be the “stick” …for misbehavior such as attending Tea Party rallies, listening to Glenn Beck, or making profit in a business.  Even something as simple as Working Hard will be watched closely in order to flush out anyone who tries to play the one-upsmanship game.  Extra paddy wagons will be appropriated to shuttle off these ne’er-do-wells to various holding cells for remedial realignment retraining. 

ViceGrip will be extended to the college admission process by nationalizing all colleges.  Smurf says that there is no feasible way to reach true equality over who gets in and who gets tossed…so a select Committee will decide.  And their decision will not be based solely on the semi-unfair traditional measures such as high school grades or the SAT scores.  No, the Committee will have the latitude to consider all objective and subjective factors when making their assignments…with the watchword being “equalizing”.  Smurf said that those egghead prima donnas with the 1600 SAT scores may just find themselves enrolled at Bumf*#!k University next semester.

Dingell was later reached for comment, and said that he had originally wanted just a little more government control, but ViceGrip takes it far beyond his wildest dreams.  When asked how his suburban Detroit constituents will react to ViceGrip and whether this could influence his ability to go for a 27th term, Dingell said “I don’t really give a sh!*t.  I’m ready to retire anyway.”


Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that seem real.

Joe McCarthy’s ghost returns

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April 5th, 2010 Posted 4:27 pm

The ghost of Joe McCarthy came down (or up…he wouldn’t say) to assess the current situation on communist infiltration into our society.  He was then instructed to compile a full report for the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.  Tom had heard disturbing news coming from some of the recent liberal dead guys who seemed overly exuberent… even in the afterlife.  Seems they were feeling some sort of redemption from a lifelong struggle to bring the share-the-wealth, handouts for everyone, no-deadbeat-left-behind mantra into being.  They were thinking they found the path to eternal righteousness.  Unfortunately for them, Tom had to tell them they were dead wrong.  He then commissioned McCarthy to check things out.mccarthy

McCarthy was able to sneak into the secret Democratic Obamacare meetings where they were busy carving out special deals to buy votes.  He reminisced that these were so much like the heady old days in 1940’s and 50’s Chicago where modern sleazy dealmaking was invented.  But he was flabbergasted that the Cornhusker Kickback was such an unabashed public pants-dropping.  “In the old days, we had to keep our skanky deals under the covers in the red light district, politically speaking, of course.  These guys don’t care who sees their soiled shorts.”

Joe started taking note of names who appeared certain to be communists at high levels in the country.  Interviewing one uber-liberal congressman, he was amazed to hear him assertively say, “No way am I a communist!!  No way.  That’s a mean-spirited ploy by the giant right wing conspiracy to mischaracterize me, my family, and my constituents.  It’s just not right.”  When McCarthy asked whether he believed in government health care, government control of oil companies and banks, restrictions on conservative talk radio, and sharing wealth by taxing the hell out of anyone earning a salary, his answer was, “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes to all of the above.”  When McCarthy suggested his political philosophies seem to line up more with Marx, Putin, or Mao, the congressman said, “You’re a communist.  You are.”

Joe chatted with 50 people on New York city steets, and 49 seemed to basically agree with the congressman.  The 50th guy was a wino who agreed with everything he said, then asked for a buck so he could wet his whistle before answering any more questions.

McCarthy had to report back to Tom that things have headed south since Reagan left office.  He asked Tom if he could come back down in life-form, recommission the House Un-American Activities committee, and bust a few chops of these softies.  But Tom said not right now.


Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction.

Old Biff comes Back from the Future

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April 2nd, 2010 Posted 2:00 pm

Last Wednesday, a decrepid old codger- coughing, wheezing, and walking with a cane – showed up at the Capitol flailing his arms and warning of impending disaster.  He claimed that he was Thomas F. Wilson, the actor who played Biff in the Back to the Future movies, but clearly he appeared to be a much older fart than Wilson.  He demanded an audience with Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid, or at least a 15 minute spot on Hard Ball.  All requests were denied.biff

Wilson said that, unbelievable as it may seem, he just arrived here, having travelled back from the future in a converted Toyota Prius.  “They couldn’t find a DeLorean when the scientists finally invented the flux capacitor, and there were a lot of unsold Prius’ in dealer lots gathering dust,” Wilson quipped.

But Wilson quickly changed to the subject at hand.  He said that some punk kid named Karl Pelosi had stolen the Prius in 2025, went back from the future to 2008, maybe even earlier, to engineer the fake bank crisis that led to the 2008/2009 recession.  “By doing that, he created an alternate space-time continuum that you are living today.  It allowed the ascendancy of Pelosi and Reid, and the election of Obama that has put the country on a path toward the destruction of capitalism and loss of economic freedom, which will happen gradually in the next 7 years.

Wilson said he tried to program the Prius to take him back prior to the Senate Health Care vote in late 2009 in order to try and change the vote of Ben Nelson, infamous turncoat senator from Nebraska.  “But the darn accelerator pedal stuck and it dropped me here.  Really need to fix that stupid thing before I end up in the friggin’ Middle Ages.”

He then rolled out the upcoming series of events in the current reality:  the Obamacare program could never be overturned, despite many attempts.  The Public Option was rammed through in 2011 on a “Reconciliation vote”, ultimately causing the end of private insurance plans.  “I had to wait 6 months to get a prescription for my hemmoroids, for crying out loud.”

Wilson recounted that the momentum Liberals get from Obamacare passage then help them nationalize the rest of the auto industry, the oil industry, the basic materials industries, and the media networks.  In 2015, they rename the Jefferson Memorial the “People’s Memorial” and allow graffiti artists to display their creative expression on the walls.  “They put a free condom dispenser where the old statue was standing,” Wilson lamented.

He said the November 2010 elections are a key turning point along this continuum.  In the current reality, Liberals hold onto both houses barely, but just enough to keep jamming through their socialist agenda at this critical time.  By 2012, there are so many people on the government dole, on “Expanded Welfare” that covers half the middle class, on the “Food Stamps Plus Beer Stamps” program, on the “Grown Up Kids without Jobs” program, on the “Call In Sick from Work and Still Get Paid” program, and/or on the “Totally Open Immigration” program that they end up with a quasi-permanent majority of voters who are indebted to them.  Conservatives lose their voice when talk radio is forced to adopt the ‘equal time’ provision in early 2012 and becomes so boring that people return to listening to classic rock.

While Wilson was railing about making a difference in the upcoming November elections, he started fading away.  “I think that idiot Karl Pelosi stole another Prius, went back, and started dating my mom.  I gotta go.”


Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the time travel stuff.

Dog food industry: next on docket to be nationalized

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March 21st, 2010 Posted 4:48 pm

dogfoodInvestigative reporters have uncovered secret papers showing conclusively the Administration’s strategy to begin the process of nationalizing the dog food industry before summer.  Dog food industry analysts were surprised and perplexed by this development, and initially failed to see how their business could be likened to autos or banks in terms of attractiveness for 100% government control….why not pick on film-making, beer production, or roto-rooting?

Larry Milfner, long time dog food industry analyst and inventor of the electronic pooper scooper, was not particularly surprised.  “Dog food is a highly strategic business for the country.  If some crazy terrorist group were to infiltrate dog food manufacturing and compromise their quality systems in a major way, the nation would have to start feeding its dogs cat food.

“This would create 2 problems:  First, the cat food would totally screw up the dogs’ digestive systems, causing doggie diarrhea on a monumental scale.  Second, the cat owners would become outraged by the almost immediate dwindling of cat food availability, and the ensuing breakout of cat malnutrition.  There would be fist fights in the WalMart parking lot between dog owners and cat owners over precious cans of Fancy Feast.

“I could see a civil war developing in the country between the masses of dog lovers versus cat lovers.  There is already so much tension between these 2 sects, and this kind of incident would take it over the tipping point.  There would be brother against brother feuds, sister against sister ‘cat fights’.  It would be bloody, and would require a leader with the charisma of Abe Lincoln to bring the sides together again.  And we’ve got no Abe Lincoln in the queue, believe me.

“Nationalizing the dog food industry, and for that matter the cat food industry too, is a logical step.  The government could bring in the whole Homeland Security force to provide the added protections that would preclude this catastrophic outcome to our nation.  I applaud the Administration for having this kind of foresight to protect our society.”

Another dog food industry expert was interviewed and asked to comment on Milfner’s analysis.  He said that it was high time that everyone realized the importance of dog food in our world.

Harry Reid jobs quote: the rest of the story

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March 7th, 2010 Posted 1:43 pm

“Today is a BIG day in America.  Only 36 thousand people lost their jobs today, which is REALLY GOOD…”

This, of course was a brief snippet from a speech made by Harry Reid on March 5th, after seeing the most recent jobless claims data.  Many people have heard this quote and concluded that Harry is totally out of touch.  But too often sound bites can be taken out of context and misconstrued.  So, in order to better understand the meaning and emotion he was trying to convey, we present the full speech below:

“Today is a BIG day in America.  Only 36 thousand people lost their jobs today, which is REALLY GOOD.  Sure it would have been better for our Party and the Liberal/Progressive movement if the number was more like 136 thousand job losses.  But we can’t be greedy, and I ask my colleagues to take comfort that jobs are continuing to disappear, and what few are left are being swallowed up by illegal Mexicans.  Data clearly shows that more and more people are sucking on the government entitlement bosom than ever before.  Millions and millions more.  Don’t believe that 9.7 percent unemployment number.  The real number is 17 percent.  That’s right, 17 percent.  Believe it.  We’re on our way to posting 20’s.

“Right now the Senate is debating a new “Jobs” bill.  But fear not, my comrades, it’s only meant to add jobs in a parallel universe to our own…with anti-matter people drilling for anti-matter energy in dry wells.  That’s the kind of virtual jobs we will be talking about…job fiction.  But we must name it a Jobs bill to create the proper illusion and misdirection to fool the idiots out there.  We will use the buzzwords to make voters think we’re creating jobs, while at the same time using the old sleight of hand trick to dump a few trillion in cash into the bottomless abyss to do absolutely, positively no good for nobody. Presto!   Ooooh, I’m getting shivers up my leg just thinking about it!reid

“So do not fear.  Do not pay attention to the trash talk and mis-characterizations that suggest we are nuzzling up with Republicans, Freedom Lovers, Tea Baggers, or other Capitalistas.  Ain’t happening, won’t happen.  I know I’ve lied to you before, but you have got to believe me on this one.  I promise on a stack of Communist Manifestos that I am true to our movement.

“But we all must stay diligent to the effort to bring down capitalism.  We must all work together to push the National Debt to astronomical levels, so that the evil Financial institutions start to crumble.  We must pass more outrageous regulations and taxes to drive those nasty industrialists to bankruptcy, so we can nationalize them just like we did at GM.  People said we couldn’t take down a huge company like GM, naysayers gave us little hope…but we showed them all that it could be done.  But remember, one big filthy auto company and a couple bloated banks here and there are not enough.  There’s still huge food/beverage businesses, computer/information technology industries, and diaper businesses that are ripe for the taking….no pun intended.  So, do your part to bring them down, one by one, quarterly disappointment by quarterly disappointment, greedy bastard by greedy bastard.

“Together, we can make change…change that you and I can believe…..wait, wait…are those cameras rolling?  Oh crap…Cut!  Cut!!  Shut those  f#*%r$  off, you  A$$#*!es!!  Oh geez….


Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that sound so real.

Ben Nelson boo-hoo’s to boos back home

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February 10th, 2010 Posted 1:51 pm

Ben Nelson, the infamous Democratic senator from Nebraska, has been getting booed when he goes into any restaurant in his home state.  Last weekend, he was sneered at and pummeled with cold pizza by a bunch of 8-year olds when he tried to sneak into a Chuck E. Cheese for a quick dinner and game of Skee-Ball.  The day before, he was denied purchase of a large popcorn just before watching the movie Avatar from a kid behind the counter who refused to touch his soiled money.ben

Nelson knows he has got some bridges to unburn since his illogical decision to accept bribery to vote for the Obamacare bill.  Folks back home don’t cotton to that kind of squirrelliness.  So yesterday he announced he would join the Republican filibuster of Craig Becker, nominated by the Communists for a seat on the National Labor Relations Board.  He knows that, with Nebraska’s tradition of being a Right to Work state, the public would crucify him even further if he didn’t start giving some modicum of impression that he was representing his constituents.

Old Ben knows that Becker favors the Employee Forced Choice Act (EFCA).  This is a bill being debated in Congress, which would totally remove secret balloting for unionization, and open the doors for union thugs, creeps, and dirtbags to make workers offers ‘they can’t refuse’ to join unions.  The proposed law would also prescribe a set of anti-business rules, whackings, and penalties sure to dry up job growth…what little there is.

Ben has heard that Becker has other nutty ideas.  He has pushed for the Sleepers Rights bill, which would allow workers to konk out on the job without fear of repercussion.  “Hey, we all get tired, especially after tying one on the night before,” Becker said, speaking at the Left Wing Jumblebrain Association’s national convention, to wild cheers from the crowd.  “What’s wrong with a little shut-eye on the job?  You’ve done it, I’ve done it, we’ve all done it.  I konked out for an hour and a half on the crapper one time in 2002 after a tough night of margaritas.”  If passed, the new law would allow all workers 25 minutes in the morning and 45 minutes after lunch to doze off at full pay, plus another 30 minutes of optional sleep-time at half-pay.  Becker has said that most workers wouldn’t take all that time every day, but if they needed it, they would have it…without fear of losing their jobs.  When asked a follow-up question, an Aide had to nudge Becker to wake up.

Nelson stands by his rejection of Becker, but has said he might reconsider his vote if Harry Reid comes forward with some new sweetheart bribe for him and his family.  He has suggested that the Caribbean is nice this time of year.  Insiders say that Reid is booking him on a trip to Haiti.


Disclaimer:  all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, even the ones that seem pretty darn real.

Who wants to be a Marxist Millionaire?

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December 13th, 2009 Posted 2:26 pm

bizarre146…And now for your 12th question: Name the most important
political philosopher of the past 200 years: (a) John Lennon,
(b) Bono, (c) Mao Tse Tung, or (d) Karl Marx?
                                        Hmm…tough question. All good answers.  I’ll go
                                       with (d) Karl Marx.  Final answer.
Correct!  Karl Marx, the originator of the Share the Wealth and
Punish the Hard-worker theory.  You’re up to $200.  Now for
your 13th question…for $205, name the ex-richest guy in the
country BEFORE we took all his money away:  (a) Tom Cruise,
(b) Bill Gates, (c) Mayor Bloomberg, or (d) Tiger.
                                        You said “Before” we took it away, right?  Yeah, ok…
                                        would have to go with (b) Bill Gates.  Final answer.
Again correct!  The guy who invented all that Microsoft crap
and kept forcing citizens to upgrade their software and buy
bigger freaking computers every 3 years, whether they needed
them or not.  Confiscation of his great wealth was such a
pleasure.  You’re at $205, are you ready to go for $208…?
                                        Just one question, Comrade.  The increments keep
                                        getting smaller for every answer I get right. 
                                        Shouldn’t they increase for correct answers?
Ha, ha, ha, Son.  So humorous.  You kids love pulling the legs of
us old-timers.  Shall we move on to question 14?
                                        No, wait…seriously.  This show is called Marxist
                                        Millionaire.  How will I ever get to a million this way?
Well, it’s this way, Son.  The payoffs are according to a curve that,
I believe, was developed by the Great One himself.  It’s called an
asymptote.  You theoretically can get to a million dollars, but will
have to answer…I believe it’s 12.1 trillion questions correctly.  To
be honest, questions do get tougher after the first couple hundred.
                                        What?  12.1 trillion questions??  That’s as many
                                        questions as there are dollars in the National Debt!
Yes.  Isn’t that a funny coincidence.  And ironic…that that same
level of National Debt helped usher in the spread of Marxism.  Wow,
spooky!  But let’s get on to question 14:  What profession pays the
most: (a) garbage collector, (b) nucleur scientist, (c) CEO of Shanker
Motors, or (d) all paid the same…

Union Leader Randy Spurn calls Adam Smith a crackpot

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November 19th, 2009 Posted 6:19 pm

In a recent interview with Randy Spurn, the head of Bizarreville’s largest service employees union, the BSEIU, our reporter probed into his deep beliefs on capitalism vis-a-vis other economic models.

bizarre73“The problem basically goes back 223 years when those crazies in Philadelphia drafted up that Declaration thing.  They were all reading the radical teachings of that nutball Adam Smith, who ushered in this whole free-market, competitive structure, willy-nilly independence thing.  I think Smith was probably some kind of 18th century drug kingpin, or something.  You know, before that, there were rules.  And there were heavies right at hand to bust some chops of any rule-breakers.  Bottom line:  it worked.

“And now we’re seeing the fall-out from these 223 years of party/orgy/greed.  You see poor people in the ghetto who can only afford one measly flat-screen HD television, who have to buy ground chuck instead of ground round, and who must scrimp and save just to be able to afford two lousy packs of cigarettes a day.  Many are cutting back weekly lottery ticket purchases to under $25/week.  It’s tough out there.

“Even my people in the Union with our lousy pensions are having to wait until they’re 57 or 58 years old before they can retire.  Meanwhile, they’re busting their backs working 40 hours a week with only 4 or 5 breaks during the day…then getting criticized and harassed just because they happen to enjoy occasional sluff-off time at work.  Who doesn’t enjoy a little sluff time?  I mean, come on.

“And it’s all because these greedy CEOs are skimming the cream.  Yeah sure, they claim they work 80 hour weeks, 7-days a week, Blackberried to every little thing that happens….baaaah.  They’re all a bunch of crooks taking advantage of my dear members just because they’re uneducated, unskilled, uncoordinated, and smell kinda bad.  It’s discrimination, and needs to stop now.”

Shortly after the interview, Spurn was taken back to his rest home (paid for with BSEIU union dues), where he was administered his normal medications.

Commie Michael Moorebird having trouble getting out of Cuba

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November 18th, 2009 Posted 1:25 am

We are continuing to follow the news story about Michael Moorebird’s ill-fated Commie Experience Cruise to Cuba, as well the arduous ordeals Michael has personally gone through. His story has captured the hearts, while unclenching the stomachs, of audiences throughout Bizarreville.

bizarre72Michael was released from the Cuban Hospital last week after being tossed overboard by disgruntled vacationers.  But when trying to get back into the country, he discovered that he had lost his passport in the sea.  Michael was categorically denied re-entry.  He desperately tried to make contact with officials, citizens, friends, acquaintances, but no one would claim him or acknowledge him in any way…some claiming they thought he might be a Russian spy.

Meanwhile, Cuban officials, in an attempt to throw poor Michael a lifeline, offered to keep him.  In fact, there was serious talk about making Moorebird some sort of Worldwide Ambassador.  As an enticement, they were going to offer to set him up in a 2-room apartment with its own private toilet, and an office cubicle in the not-so-smelly back area of the National Office Edifice in Havana, very close to the fire escape…in other words, Cuba’s version of the Red carpet.

Michael claims he will find a way to get back into the country and back to his personal luxury estate.  But he admits his whole Commie movement has taken a severe beating recently with all this bad publicity…and he will need to regroup.  First priority may be a quick trip to Hollywood to get some sympathy and support from his fellow pinkeroos, who will most certainly rebuild his spirits and get his March to Marxism back on track.  A lavish gala, perhaps a costume party with a peasant theme (cash bar naturally) might recapture the mood.  Stay tuned.

Moorebird’s Cuba Commie Cruise a dud. Tourists throw Michael overboard in disgust

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November 2nd, 2009 Posted 2:53 am

Cuban Coast Guard authorities report that Michael Moorebird, famous socialist/marxist whacko film director and less-famous tour guide, has been rescued from the Caribbean Sea 20 miles north of Cuba.  He remains in serious but stable condition at Cuba’s El-Crudmo hospital, after taking in much salt water and being nibbled-on by a large tuna.

Mr. Moorebird, somewhat delirious, claims that his fellow tourists just threw him overboard, after they were allegedly very disenchanted with the Cuba Commie Cruise he sponsored.  “They were really torqued-off for some reason…I don’t know why.  I mean, I thought it was a great time, but some of them got pretty radical after 3 days of eating slightly stale bread and slightly off-color water…and, well, living in squalor.  I thought we were all comrades-in-arms, exploring enthusiastically this wonderful socio-economic system.  I guess I was wrong.”

Wrong indeed.  Cruise passengers reported that Moorebird lied and misrepresented the cruise as a “fun trip”, then basically scammed them out of their money.  “Fun?  It was freaking Gross-town, Filth-adelphia, Pittsburgh…oops, sorry about that.  Anyway, we tried to get our money back, but Moorebird just laughed and laughed, then said:  F$#!@ You.  Next thing I knew, he was yelping in the water.  I think he may have slipped on the wet deck and fell in…who knows?”

Moorebird says he’ll do it again, but may wait a few years.  “People just aren’t ready for it yet.  They’re not as enlightened as me.  They can’t see all the good, like I can…they just can’t see the beauty inside the filth.  It’ll just take time.”  Cuban medical people are also testing him for brain damage.